Strangers Passing Through
by Phntmofopra
Summary: Commander Shepard is a private woman. But when she creates a team to stop rogue spectre Saren can she overcome her struggles to save the galaxy and possibly find love along the way? Femme Shep and Garrus
1. Loss of Innocence

Hi all! This is my very first ME fic, so please, please let me know what you think! I would love comments and suggestions! This deals with the first story line in ME, I plan to carry this plot line over to a second story focusing on events in ME2. Enjoy!

So this is a little backdrop of Shepard, I always liked the Mindoir background so that is where she is coming from. All other aspects I try to keep open for the readers, some physical traits may come into play, but I will keep it light.

I don't own Bioware or the characters, unfortunately.

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Strangers Passing Through

Ch 1: _Loss of Innocence_

Her body ached, sweat dripped down her temple as she felt the slight trickle of blood running down along her side. _Just keep running_, she told herself, _just keep moving. _Around her she could her the shouts, cries of terror and of the dying. Smoke filled her lungs, making them burn as she pushed herself, trying in earnest to find someplace safe. Fires from the nearby houses, the once small community she had called home, now lit ablaze as _they _came. Batarians.

One minute she had been in the field, carefree, enjoying the bright warm sun kiss her face, the soft breeze tickle her hair, the next moment was a haze. She could remember her mother screaming her name, and then a blast as one of the nearby farms blew up into a crimson ball of flames rising into the air. She started to run towards her home, her father already running out to her with his pistol loaded, "Get in the house! Now!" he yelled at her. There was the sound of gunfire above her head as she raced into the front door. Her mother grabbed her and hugged her tightly, moving both of them to crouch behind their couch. The shots echoed into her skull, she could hear screams outside as her mother feverishly stroked her hair, whispering to her that everything would be all right.

She pulled from her mother's grasp to peek outside the window, men were running everywhere, shouting and pointing at something she couldn't see. Suddenly, another explosion erupted as the gunfire got louder. She could see her father running back towards their home, rising from her position she ran to the door, as it opened she shouts, "Dad! What's happening?"

Her answer is met by her father suddenly halting in pace, his face contorts as he drops to the ground, beyond him she gets her first glimpse of a batarian pirate reloading his assault rifle.

"Dad!" she screamed, darting out from her home towards her father, her mother's screams filling her ears. Somehow her mother gets there before she does, tugging at his chest, screaming, tears streaking down her face. Kneeling by her father, she sees his eyes become glassy, his hand twitching for the dropped pistol nearby, sputtering blood from his mouth.

"Dad! Please, no! Stay with us!" she hurriedly presses her hand to the crimson pool that had soaked through her father's shirt, hoping, praying that it would do some good.

"NO! No, no, no, no! You can't do this! Don't leave me!" her mother shouts, pulling her father's face toward her, blood soaking into her clothes. Out of the corner of her eye there is movement, the batarian pirate coming towards them. "Mom!" she yells, tears in her eyes, trying to push past the lump in her throat about the reality of the situation, "We need to go!"

Her mother remains crumpled over her father, sobbing, the girl stands up, attempting pull her mother up, "Mom, he's gone!" she cries, "we have to get out of here!"

There is a loud bang, her mother cries out as a bullet hits her shoulder.

"Mom!"

Her mother screams, another shot, this one hitting the girl in the side. She cries out, clenching her teeth forcing her mother to rise, grasping her hand, they run back towards their home. Shots fill the air, smoke begins to cloud the streets from the fires, her heart races but she knows she has to keep it together for her mother, for both of them.

_Almost there_, she thinks, _just-_

An explosion goes off to her right, throwing her and her mother hard into the air, landing with a hard thud onto the ground. She opens her eyes, unfocused at first, hearing screams and feeling intense heat of the flames. Her eyes finally focus on her mother's unconscious body lying a few feet away from her. Rising up onto her forearms she winces, noticing the glass shards that lay around her, some embedded into her arm.

"Mom," she says hoarsely, crawling towards her mother's body. Once up close she can see the damage from the blast. Her mother laying face down on the ground, her right side red and bleeding from the open burns on her arm, neck and shoulder. Face covered with soot and scratches from flying debris, her mother remains unmoving as a pool of blood slowly forms around her body.

"'Mom," she says again, reaching out to shake her mother's body. A low groan emits from her mother's voice as her eyes flutter open. Her mother coughs, breathing in the dust and soot around them, "Sweetie," she says, eyes meeting her daughter's.

"Mom," her voice begins to shake, "come on, we need to go. You can do this." Off in the distance she hears shouting seeing shadows of the pirates advance closer through the clouds of dust.

"No," her mother whispers, "it's too hard."

"It's not, you can get up. Please Mom, get up!" tears threaten to fall on the soot covered face of the sixteen year old girl. Her hands and clothes becoming wet with the crimson liquid.

"Your father," her mother says, eyes becoming glossy, "you can go. Run."

"No Mom. Please, don't make me do this." Her hands reach out to her mother's, taking it in her own. Her heart quickens hearing the shouts coming closer and closer.

"You're a brave girl. Remember that my starbright. Go."

A sob escapes the young girls throat, "Mom."

She can see the clear forms of the pirates, guns loaded and pointed in her direction.

"I love you," she cries, looking at her mother, knowing this would be their last moments.

"Love you my starbright." Her mother cringes as she takes in a deep breathe, "Now go. Run"

The girl rises unsteadily to her feet, body numb, ears ringing; she looks at the broken images around her. Fire, smoke, sounds of gunshots, screams of children, and her mother, succumbing to her end. Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she turns toward the open field, leading towards the higher hills, and begins to run.

She can hear the shouts of the batarians, seeing her flee, chasing her which only makes her run harder. A loud pop echoes and she knows now that she alone, no friends, no family, and no hope.

* * *

Thanks for reading! The next chapter fast-forwards to Shepard's place on the Normandy with Anderson. I just always wanted to explore what it would have been like for Shepard on Mindoir. Please let me know what you thought! Reviews are greatly appreciated!


	2. Ghosts

I should really be working on my summer stat homework but this is so much more interesting. Special thanks to Haxxer for the lovely comments and suggestions! I'll try to make them longer as we go, practice makes perfect right? Thanks and enjoy!

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Strangers Passing Through

Ch 2: Ghosts

She awoke with a gasp, her nightshirt damp with sweat, clinging to her body. "Shit," she whispered, sitting up in her small bed. She took a deep shaky breath, running her hands through her hair she glanced over at the clock, 4:30 AM. Damn nightmares. Even though it had nearly been ten years since Mindoir it still seemed to fresh, so raw. She could smell the burnt flesh; feel the sticky, slick liquid of her parents' blood on her hands.

Rustling from the covers, she swung her legs over the side of her bed, realizing just how soaked she was from her night terrors. She remained like that for a few moments, sitting on the edge of the bed, feet tentatively touching the cool floor, listening to the hum of the ships' engine all the while trying to steady the heavy pounding of her heart against her chest. Reaching over to a small drawer by the side of her bed, she opened it to pull out a small plastic bottle with pills. She opened the bottle and popped one of the pills into her mouth and swallowed. Anxiety. That was the excuse at least they gave her for taking the medication. "Like it does me any damn good," she muttered. After she got off Mindoir and enlisted a few years later, the Alliance wanted to make it seem like they at least did something helpful so she got all the therapy and meds she wanted. Not like she wanted any of it in the first place, but seeing as her situation was less than fortunate she accepted it and went to therapy where she was told she suffered from anxiety and posttraumatic stress from Mindoir. No shit. The stress was dealt with, at least in her mind for now. She had proved she could move on and survive on Akuze; it was the damn nightmares that had started coming back recently that was becoming a problem. _Still,_ she sighed, _what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?_ She let out an audible titter at her wishful thinking and examined her surroundings.

The room was bare, mostly, minus the small side drawer by her bed, a dresser, desk and table and chairs by the door. Simple. It was how she liked it, not too much fuss, easy to pick up and go when needed to. She was lucky, her room was her own, unlike the other soldiers who had to share rooms with one another, nobody ever requested to be placed with her. Not that she blamed them, with her history she couldn't blame people if they didn't want to be kept up almost every night with a young woman suffering from night terrors. Hell, she wouldn't even want to room with herself.

Walking over to her personal little sink she had in her room, she turned on the faucet and splashed the cool water over her face and neck. She blinked a couple times watching the water spin down the drain, like all her naïve dreams she had once held close. Turning the water off, she turned her attention to her reflection in the mirror. In all the short years she had lived, it felt so much longer in her mind. Her body still held the scars of the past, the faint lines on her arms from being hit with shrapnel, the scar on her right side from Mindoir, yet nothing physical would ever compare to her emotional scars. Staring back at the face in the mirror she saw a small glimpse of what she was, what she used to be. Her eyes were tired, displaying the recent lack of sleep and past tribulations that lay deep within. But she would never show this vulnerability to others, it was pushing past weakness and focusing on the tasks at hands that allowed her to survive. She couldn't afford to become emotional, to get wrapped up in her personal afflictions, and yet, here, in the solitude of her room those sentiments would resurface and her past would rise up, colliding into her like a concussive shot.

She snickered to herself, "One fucking day at a time."

It was still early enough where everyone would still be asleep so she thought it would be helpful to get out of her room for a few minutes._ Just a change in scenery for my brain to shut up_, she thought to herself.

Exiting her room she went in the mess hall, grabbing a cup of water along the way and just sat. Her mind buzzed with those awful memories, those relentless images as she drank her water. Damn, what she wouldn't do for a hard drink right now. She found herself secretly going back inside her mind to that point where she was once happy, or so she thought, wishing to chase away these dreads.

_Right when I think I can get back to something as simple as sleep, bam, it's right back at me. _She sighed, putting her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands. Her thoughts were finally quieting down to where it seemed possible to return for a few more hours of sleep when she heard the elevator door swish open. Turning her head she saw the ships pilot, Joker hobble out making his way towards the stairs. She hadn't really talked to Joker since she was asked to come aboard the Normandy; she knew he was selected to pilot the ship so that meant something, but conversation with people never went as well as she would like. Still, he seemed like a nice guy, serious with his work, but nice.

"Hey," she said wearily, not really caring about her state of appearance.

"Shit! Commander!" Joker exclaimed, his hand grabbing his chest, "What the hell are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack or something?"

She shook her head, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"Nah, you didn't scare me, well, ok, maybe startle is a better term but scare just makes me sound like a little girl," he coughed uncomfortably, "not that there is a problem being a girl, err, or something. Commander."

She waved his remark off, "It's ok Joker, no offense taken. What the hell are you doing up at this time anyway?"

"Getting ready to check up on my baby," he grinned motioning around to the ship, "she's a top notch ship and I'm the guy to keep her in good condition. You know, review programs, monitors, readings, all that tech stuff they don't teach you guys at the academy," he said in a slightly cocky tone.

"Well it is a nice ship, one of a kind from what I hear," she replied trying to sound somewhat interested. She let Joker have his satisfaction, tech stuff was never one of her attributes, especially when it came to ships; she had other crap to worry about besides configuring relay jumps and ETAs.

She realized Joker was shifting his weight in his stance and it dawned on her how weird it must be coming up to see your commander in a sleep shirt and sweats. She thought what she would do if she came out to see Anderson in his sleep attire. For some reason this made her imagine Anderson in little footy pajamas with a teddy bear. _Awkward, _she thought shaking her head. Returning her focus back to Joker, despite the fact that social interaction was not her strongest point, she tried her best to alleviate the unomfortable situation, "well I don't want to take up any more of your time, nice to see you Joker. Enjoy, uh, your morning." She rose from her seat and gave him a slight nod.

"Ok, thanks, see ya Commander." Joker said as she made her way back to her room, letting the pilot have his moment of solitude with his ship.

* * *

Returning back to the safe haven of her bed, she snuggled down into the warmth of her covers wishing life could really be as easy as it was in this moment. She closed her eyes, willing her mind to let it drift into happier things even if they were fleeting thoughts. Her thoughts drifted about, listing what she would do later today, thinking about her brief but enjoyable conversation with Joker. Emitting a deep sigh before succumbing to sleep, she smiled to herself as the images of Mindoir's sun kissing her face and the soft breeze tickling her hair filled her thoughts as the ghosts of her past drifted into the abyss.


	3. Debriefing

So where were we? Ah yes! Big thanks again to Haxxer for helping me with my grammar! What would I do without my lovely reviewers? I know this took a while; taking statistics over the summer was a crazy idea but thank you all for being so patient! You shall be rewarded with a longer chapter! So without further ado….

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Ch 3

Debriefing

When she woke again she could hear movement outside her door. Shepard grumbled into the pillow, wishing for a few more dreamless hours. Turning over onto her back, she lay there for a few minutes listening the ship's sounds. For being a state of the art vessel, whoever designed the ship did not think too hard on sound proofing the place. Who would line the entire floor in cold metal? Every step someone took had the after effect of echoing through the halls in large thuds and right now, into her quarters. She heard a mumble of indiscernible words, the tonality making her guess it was one of the male crewman followed by a similar responding mumble, then a distinctive, hearty laugh that made her insides groan. _Kaiden._

He was the lieutenant on board; she had worked some previous missions with him before and he always followed orders like a good soldier. Overall, nice guy; cute, but just a little too boy scout and trepidatious for her liking. She always believed in being nice to the crew, after all they had become the closest thing to family she had, and didn't think much of her interactions with Kaiden, until recently. She would notice him staring at her out of the corner of her eye, or "covering her back" a little too long than she would have liked on the field. Lately, she had been attempting to avoid Kaiden because of the uncomfortable vibe she got but it was damn near impossible on this small vessel. She sighed, she would be cordial, pleasant even if it was called for, but no way did she want him to get any ideas about her _in that way_. There was enough chaos in her personal life and she didn't need anything else to get mixed up in that, much less anyone. Still, a small part of her did wish to be able to share some form of closeness with someone, to be intimate and comforted, most of all, to feel safe. After everything that happened on Mindoir, it was next to nearly impossible for her to feel truly safe again. Joining the Alliance seemed like the only solution in her search for some semblance of normality. At least in the in the Alliance she had some form of security.

But the Alliance couldn't hold her at night, it couldn't take away the terrors and the loneliness that she felt; that she would only admit in the wee hours of the night. She had come to rely on the fact that vulnerability was a weakness, she couldn't afford to be weak, she had to survive, it was what she did, on Mindoir, on Akuze, she survived. If she was vulnerable, maybe even with-

She heard her com beep, pulling her out of her thoughts and tried to ignore it, after the third time she relented and looked at the message. Apparently, Captain Anderson wanted her at the helm in an hour to oversee the jump they were making today. Recently, Captain Anderson had directed the Normandy to make a brief stop at the Arcturus Station to pick up a turian Spectre named Nihlus. She had never worked with aliens before and didn't have any prejudices herself, except for batarians, but from the scuttlebutt, many seemed nervous about the turian's presence. Her only complaint was the fact that Nihlus seemed to always be where she was; she couldn't turn around without running into the Spectre. Even though he had only been on board a few days, Shepard's patience was running low as to Nihlus's motives were unclear to her.

Flinging off the covers, her feet met the cold floor and she silently cursed it as she made her way to her personal bathroom to prepare for the day. The hot water felt good on her body and her mind felt more awake running over the lists of tasks she had to do today. Dressing quickly, she left her quarters and made her way up the stairs to the CIC. From what she recalled from a brief discussion with Captain Anderson the night before, they were supposed to do a basic shakedown mission on a colonized planet called Eden Prime. She didn't know anything else but figured she would get debriefed soon enough. Making her way to the front of the ship she saw Nihlus was already there, arms crossed, supervising Joker's preparation for the relay jump to the Utopia System.

"All stations secure for transit." Joker's voice came over the intercom, hands flying over the keyboard. "Board is green. Approach run has begun."

She stopped; ahead of her she saw the glowing blue orb of the mass effect relay, its shape massive as the small ship moved towards its rotating center. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Nihlus scanning her and did her best to ignore it. Kaiden was also at his station next to Joker supervising the ship's status.

"Hitting relay in 3…2…1…"

There was a large surge of energy as the Normandy was thrust into FTL lasting only a few seconds before again decelerating into space.

Joker scanned the many screens, reading status report, "Thrusters…check. Navigation…check. Internal emissions sink engaged. All systems online. Drift…just under 1500K."

Shepard smiled to herself, although she didn't know much about him, he was a damn good pilot.

"1500 is good. Your captain will be pleased." Nihlus stated turning to leave.

"I hate that guy." Joker muttered.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment," Kaiden replied, "so you hate him?"

"You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out the bathroom? That's good." Joker retorted as Shepard walked up behind Joker's seat. "I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pinhead. So that's incredible! "

Shepard smirked; Joker's smugness was amusing.

"Besides," Joker continued, " Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid."

Kaiden looked over at Joker, "You're paranoid. The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

"Yeah, that is the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story." Joker stated.

Shepard had to give him credit; it did seem a bit farfetched. "They don't send Spectres on shakedown runs," she said, straightening into her commander pose.

Joker looked over to Kaiden, "So there's more going on here than the Captains letting on—"

"Joker!" The intercom rang with Captain Anderson's voice. "Status report."

"Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged. Everything looks solid."

"Good. Find a comm buoy and link us to the network. I want mission reports relayed back to Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime."

"Aye, aye Captain. Better brace yourself sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way."

"He's already here Lieutenant," Anderson said in a disapproving tone. Joker shook his head, aware of his mistake. "Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing."

"You got that Commander?" Joker asked without looking up from the console.

Shepard didn't like how the captain sounded, and he was only talking with Joker. "He sounds angry. Something must have gone wrong with the mission."

"Pfft," Joker let out a heavy sigh, "Captain always sounds like that when he's talking to me."

"Can't possibly imagine why." Kaiden said sarcastically. Shepard rolled her eyes at the two and turned to head to the comm room.

Leaving the cockpit, she made her way over past the galaxy map.

"I'm telling you, I just saw him!" she overheard Pressly saying to his private terminal. "He marched by like he was on a mission."

Engineer Adams came over to terminal to Pressly, "He's a Spectre. They're always on a mission." Shepard knew Pressly and Adams were old friends and grinned to herself seeing Pressly get so flustered over Nihlus.

"And we're getting dragged right along with him!" Pressly exclaimed.

"Relax, Pressly," Adams was always the calm one out of the two. "You'll give yourself an ulcer."

Pressly, noticing Shepard's position turned and saluted her. "Congratulations Commander. Looks like we had a smooth run." His voice was uneasy. "You heading down to see the Captain?"

"Sounds like you don't trust our turian guest," Shepard said, wanting to get the tension out of the air.

"Sorry Commander just having a chat with Adams down in engineering. Didn't mean to cause any trouble, but you have to admit something's odd about this mission, the whole crew feels it."

"You think the Alliance brass is holding out on us?" she asked. The Alliance had always been forward with her, as much as they would allow, but even she had her doubts as to the real reason they were going to Eden Prime.

"All we're supposed to do is test out the stealth system," Pressly answered. "Why is Captain Anderson in charge? And then there's Nihlus," she waited, wanting to understand the views of the crew a bit better. "Spectres are elite operatives, top covert agents, why send a Spectre? A turian Spectre on a shakedown run. It doesn't add up."

"You don't like Nihlus," she said more as a statement then a question.

"I don't trust turian's in general, runs in the family. My grandfather fought in the First Contact War, lost a lot of friends when the turians hit us."

Although she understood where Pressly came from, it was long ago. Hell, she knew first hand about grudges but Nihlus was here to help. "That was thirty years ago, you can't blame Nihlus for that."

Pressly shook his head, "No, I guess not. But it still makes me nervous to have a Spectre on board, especially a turian. We're an Alliance vessel, human military but Nihlus doesn't answer to the Captain like the rest of us. Spectres operate outside the normal chain of command, they don't come just to observe shakedown runs." He gave a small half laugh of disbelief. "Nihlus looks like he's expecting heavy action. I don't like it. "

"I'll see if I can get some answers when I see the Captain," Shepard said, hoping to put some of Pressly's worries to rest.

Pressly nodded, "Good luck Commander."

* * *

Shepard stood in the cargo hold, still going over the amount of information that had been thrown at her. Nihlus was here to evaluate _her_ for a position as a Spectre. What was even more intriguing was that the Captain had known about this and failed to tell her. On top of all of this Nihlus had disclosed the real reason behind going to Eden Prime. A covert pickup for some kind of Prothean beacon that was unearthed by some scientists. And then there was the distress vid, sent by some Alliance soldiers who were being attacked by something; it was hard to fully see what was going on. Captain Anderson had delegated her to lead a small strike team to move in and secure the beacon.

She stood there inspecting her pistol alongside Jenkins, a young, energetic recruit, and Kaiden.

Anderson entered with Nihlus coming over to her small squad. "Your teams the muscle in this Commander. Go in heavy and head straight for he dig site."

"What about survivors Captain?" Jenkins asked. From the vid Shepard saw, she was doubtful there would be any.

"Helping survivors is the secondary objective," Anderson stated coming in closer as the cargo door began to open. "The beacon's your top priority."

Joker's voice came over the intercom, "Approaching drop point one."

Jenkins looked over to Nihlus who was inspecting his assault rifle. "Nihlus, you coming with us?" he asked.

"I move faster on my own." He said running towards the open door to drop down.

"Nihlus will scout out ahead, he'll feed you status reports throughout the mission. Otherwise I want radio silence." Anderson had a serious look in his eye that Shepard had not seen before; she knew this mission would be significant.

"We've got his back Captain," Shepard assured him.

"The missions yours now Shepard. Good luck."

With that Shepard went toward the edge of the hangar door and waited a few moments until Joker had lowered the ship a bit more. In the distance she could already see Nihlus on the ground making his way towards the main site. _Damn turians and their agility,_ she thought enviously to be able to drop from a height like that unscathed.

"We are approaching drop point two," Joker notified her.

Turning, Shepard gave one last nod to the Captain before dropping down. As her feet hit the terrain of Eden Prime, she knew this would not be a mission she would forget.

* * *

Ok so I decided to forgo studying for my stat quiz tomorrow to push this chapter out for all my lovely readers because I appreciate you all that much! Reviewing would be wonderful and make my day!


	4. Awakenings

Ok people of the page; let me first and foremost offer my deepest and most sincere apologies for the large gap in time between my stories. Let me just say that the last four months have been my own personal Reaper invasion but I am making time again to do what I love, write.

So my lovelies, I apologize again for the delay but will now be aiming bring a "little joy into your humdrum lives." Again comments are welcome, it is the only way to better our craft!

Without further ado….

* * *

Ch 4

Awakenings

Her skull felt as if it was being split open by fire. A hot, searing pain ripped through her body, the images blurring together in her mind, bringing with it her own memories of Mindoir. She could remember the carnage, the pain, the contortion of fear in the faces of people around her as they opened their mouths to scream; all the while the present vision of slaughter mingling with the high pitched screeching assaulted her; overwhelming her mind and body. As sudden as the images came, they stopped. She was alone in the darkness, the screeching still echoing in her head.

Her other senses began to take over, she could feel her body tingling, hear voices, far off, incoherent murmurs, and willed herself to wake up. She could hear the voices more clearly now.

"Doctor? Doctor Chakwas, I think she's waking up."

Slowly opening her eyes, a sudden burst of bright light invaded her vision as a blurred image of her surroundings came into focus. Glancing around she saw that she was in the med bay accompanied by Dr. Chakwas and Kaiden.

_S_he internally groaned; Alenko was not the first person she wanted to see, especially when she felt like she was waking up after a night of shore leave from her early platoon days.

Sitting up, she felt the room spin as the sound of her heartbeat pounded in her ears. Too quick a movement after what had just happened.

"You had us worried there Shepard, how are you feeling?" Chakwas asked, genuine concern in the military doctor's eyes.

"Like the day after shore leave," Shepard answered, focusing all her energy on controlling her body's visceral response to not vomit, "how long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon I think."

_The beacon,_ she remembered. Flashes of geth, Jenkins, Nihlus, and the beacon penetrated her mind's thick fog. _Shit, Jenkins and Nihlus,_ Shepard thought to herself. _How could such a simple task go so horribly wrong?_

Kaiden interrupted her contemplation apologizing for activating the beacon that caused her to go into harm's way to save him.

"You had no idea it would happen," she said to Kaiden hoping it would ease his conscience. It seemed to work as the lieutenant gave a quick, soft smile in return.

Kaiden then continued to explain that the beacon exploded leaving Williams and him to carry her back to the ship. _Which means I owe him one, shit, he can at least get a thank you, _Shepard thought to herself.

She muttered a quick thanks and quickly went on to ask Chakwas her status in an attempt to have her mind focus elsewhere other than the growing sickness in the pit of her stomach. She was so caught up she partially missed Chakwas going over her status. She caught the sentence "unusual brain activity" from Chakwas's mouth. Remembering those visions only increased her feeling of uncomfortableness as she shifted her stance to steady herself.

_Unusual, could that have been due to those ghoulish images? It was like someone else's memories. And mine. _Despite the words coming out of her mouth, Shepard's mind kept wandering to what had just happened.

"…Signs typically associated with intense dreaming." Chakwas last phrase seemed too astute.

Shepard raised her head up, focusing on the wall in front of her. "I saw," she faltered, "I'm not sure what I saw. Death_. Mindoir._ Destruction. _Mindoir._ Nothing's really clear. _Or safe." _ Her mind continued replaying the scenes over and over, hearing a swish of the medical bay doors opening she say Captain Anderson enter.

"How's our XO holding up?" he asked looking at Shepard. She wanted to avoid his gaze, soldiers had died on her watch, a rare and important Prothean artifact was destroyed, and she had screwed up big time.

"Shepard, I need to speak with you—in private."

_Shit._ Both Chakwas and Kaiden excused themselves. Shepard gripped the medical bed behind her tightly, her head was still swimming and coupled with the anxiousness of what would happen next did not help her stomach from doing more flip-flops.

When they had left, Anderson's face softened, she could see genuine care in his face, "Sounds like that beacon hit you pretty hard, Commander. You sure you're okay?"

_No._

She sighed, in all her years being part of the Alliance, Anderson had been someone who had looked out for her and always given her the benefit of the doubt. He at least deserved to hear some of her concerns, as difficult it might be for her to voice.

"I don't like soldiers dying under my command."

"Jenkins was a good soldier," Anderson said placing a hand on her shoulder, "you did a good job Shepard."

_If I did well Jenkins would be alive. _

_

* * *

_

Exiting the med bay after what seemed like hours steeped in conversation with Anderson, Shepard made her way back towards her room. Her head was pounding harder than ever but she was glad to hear that Anderson had decided to take Williams aboard. Although the introduction was brief, seeing her on the field was enough to know she was a good soldier and would make a great addition. She spotted Kaiden loitering near the large table near the med bay and hoped that she could get to her room without any more conversations. Maneuvering around the back of the mess hall she darted quickly towards her room, only as the doors swished close did she hear him call out, "Commander."

Her feelings of relief were brief as she made a quick move to the bathroom to expel the bile that was coming up her throat. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she sank to her knees and rested the back of her head against the wall. Her body shook; she needed rest, to think about everything with a fresher mind. Standing up, she opened her medicine cabinet and took out her pill bottle.

_You were supposed to be doing better, not worse. _

Opening the bottle, she popped a pill and swallowed. Very few people knew about her anxiety meds, Chakwas and Anderson was the extent. What would people think if they saw her taking pills after every excursion? She had been working hard at not needing to take them and was doing well.

_Until the nightmares, again._ She looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale and even though she had been out fifteen hours she looked like she had barely gotten any sleep. _You really need to pull your shit together. _She splashed her face with water and tried to clean herself up the best she could, Anderson had informed her that they were headed toward the Citadel to debrief the Council as to what had happened.

"_Nihlus is dead. The beacon was destroyed and the geth are invading. The Council's going to want answers," he had told her._

She wasn't sure if she had the answers they were looking for, Anderson had already said he would stand by her report to the Council; she just hoped that would be enough.

* * *

Okay so this may not have been the best chapter, but after a long hiatus I am warming up. I've got ideas buzzing and will be trying to keep you guys updated! Comments are always welcome!


	5. Citadel

Gaaaahhh! Large thank you to everyone who rates and reviews my work. Life has been very crappy that last few months. But I am so pleased to still have you lovelies hanging in there. .

Anyway, thank you people of the page for your comments/reviews! They are always much appreciated and inspire me to write more!

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own the characters, they are Biowares.

Ch 5

Citadel

"Good timing, Commander. I was just about to bring us in to the Citadel. See that taxpayer money at work."

Shepard smiled and nodded at Joker, he was such a likeable guy. His nickname really did suit him because no matter what the situation was, he was always ready to ease the tension with a joke. Most times, it worked and Shepard was glad to have someone like Joker on board.

She felt the Normandy jolt as it came out of the relay, looking out to her left she could see a tremendous shadow. Her body was on pins and needles; in all her years Shepard had never been to the Citadel, she had heard stories of the place, of the council and now she was able to experience it first hand. Someone came up next to her, she saw it was Ashley Williams, the soldier they had picked up on Eden Prime.

Ashley turned to Shepard, "Isn't this amazing? I've never been to Citadel space." Her eyes were lit up like a child with a special secret.

She smiled back at Ashley, "me neither, it is kind of exciting."

Passing through the clouds, the Normandy emerged to be greeted by an expansive view of the Citadel. It's large, solid, white arms stretched out as if to welcome the small spacecraft.

Shepard gasped, Williams was right; it was an absolutely amazing view. She looked over at the young soldier whose eyes were wide in awe," Look at the size of that ship!"

Kaiden's voice chimed in, "The Ascension. Flagship of the Citadel fleet." She hadn't noticed Kaiden coming in, nor did she really care. The view was too spectacular for anything to ruin it.

She was furious, how could the council be so blind? She was there, she saw what had happened at Eden Prime, why didn't the Council want to do anything, take any action against Saren? The initial meeting with the Council had gone off less than she had hoped for. They dismissed the idea of Saren being a traitor, insisting that they needed proof. Proof! What, did they want her to go back to Eden Prime and have the remaining, traumatized survivors tell them that it was Saren?! She was so frustrated it took all her effort to remain diplomatic and courteous with the Council. At this point, she really did believe that they had a grudge against humans. She would have at least thought they would give it some weight because of Nihlus's death; instead, the Council brushed it off like they were a bothersome fly. Oh, did her blood boil right now. She was making her way to a seedy place called Chora's Den to find a guy named Harkin. Earlier, she had briefly spoken with a turian officer named Garrus about Saren; they seemed to share similar views. Anderson told her that this Harkin guy would know where to find Garrus. _Hopefully this will be a good enough distraction until we can find some evidence against Saren. _

The mission to locate the turian CSEC officer Garrus Vakarian had gone well to say the least. Granted it did involve taking down a few extortionists and rescuing Doctor Michelle, but in all it was a success. The pain had been to deal with Harkin, what a creepy sleaze-bag. If he had called her "sweetie" or "sugar lips" one more time he would have had trouble walking for weeks, minimum.

Garrus seemed like a good guy, a little idealistic in his goals but it was nice to have a fresh perspective and that willingness in her party. It made her think about when she had first joined the Alliance. He also wanted to help take Saren down and Shepard wasn't going to turn down any help in the matter. Garrus had even suggested they go back to CSEC to try and find a Krogan merc named Wrex. Apparently, he had been hired to take out the owner of Chora's Den; a guy named Fist, but was getting caught in the red tape of CSEC.

Making their way towards the main area of CSEC, Shepard could already spot the Krogan merc, large, hulking, and intimidating mass surrounded by a few CSEC officers. The main guy, a human CSEC officer, appeared to be trying his hardest to be the bad cop but one quick look from Wrex and the guy looked ready to pee his pants. Shepard smirked; she found the entire situation hilarious.

"Go on! Get outta here!" the CSEC officer shouted at Wrex, as they made their way over. The officer waved his hand in the air, trying to make it seem like he was doing Wrex a favor.

She saw a glint in the Krogan's eyes and very quickly, he faked a move toward the officer. The look on the officer's face was priceless, his eyes became so wide she thought they were going to pop out of his head, mouth in a gaping "O" but the sound coming out was a high pitched girly squeal. She couldn't help it, she looked over at Garrus who also seemed amused and just started laughing.

"So much for CSEC's reputation," she said to Garrus after catching her breath.

"I never promised that they were fearless officers," Garrus replied, obviously just as amused watching the Commander break into hysterics.

"Commander, I'm pretty sure we've already been in this section, I think I remember passing that tree three or four times before," Garrus tried to point out as gently as possible.

Turning to look back, Shepard glared daggers at her comrades, daring them to say anything more. Garrus closed his mandibles, he had heard about the Commanders temper and didn't want to test it before they even left Citadel space. He saw flashes of it in their last meeting with the Council; they had rescued a quarian who had evidence of Saren's involvement with Eden Prime. As a result, Shepard was made the first human spectre in order to bring Saren to justice. However, on the way out Shepard had noticed a salarian scanning the Keepers and agreed to help him in his "project".

Wrex, Garrus and Shepard had been walking around the entire Citadel for the last three hours looking for Keepers to scan. So far they had found 20 Keepers, only one more Keeper was needed and despite re-tracing their entire trek across the Citadel, it continued to elude the Commander which had only added to her aggravation. Shepard let out a loud groan, running her hands over her face and with tired resignation sat down on a nearby bench.

"I am really beginning to loathe this place," she murmured.

Unsure, Garrus shifted his weight from one foot to the other glancing between the Commander and annoyed looking Krogan. After some time Wrex threw his arms up in the air stating, "Well if all we're gonna do is look for some idiot bug for another four hours, I'll be in Flux."

Lifting her head Shepard gave a small smirk, "I could go for a drink, forget searching for Keepers," crossing her arms she gave a slight frown, "twenty one is a stupid number anyway."

Garrus couldn't help smiling to himself at that last statement, Shepard looked like a child pouting over a lost game. For someone to be notorious of their determination, confidence and a woman of action, seeing the other side of the Commander was interesting to say the least.

Shepard rose and giving a pat on the back to Garrus she asked, "What do you say? We still have about an hour until we meet Udina and Anderson at the docking bay?"

Garrus blinked a few times, his mandibles fluttering in surprise, eventually muttering something about protocol.

Wrex laughed, "If you're gonna spout rules and regulations better stay here then, I'm with Shepard."

Shaking his head Garrus dutifully followed the pair to Flux, what was one drink?

The doors of the elevator opened revealing the docking bay. Udina and Anderson were standing near the Normandy's entrance, both turning as they heard the swoosh of the doors.

Shepard stood there for a moment; planning her steps carefully she made her way toward the men. Giving a curt nod to Udina and salute to Anderson she was very quickly debriefed of the current circumstances and the surprising news that the Normandy was hers. She didn't like idea but understood Captain Anderson's reasoning behind it. After saying good-bye to both politician and captain, Shepard let out a deep sigh of relief and leaned up against the railing. Despite it only being an hour, Shepard had ingested a fair amount of alcohol no thanks to the Krogan.

Wrex approached her giving a slight chuckle, "Didn't know you could do it Shepard. I thought they would be seeing you on your small fleshy backside."

Garrus looked at the Commander now, she had seemed to recover somewhat from the amount of alcohol in her system. He shook his head as Shepard started giggling at Wrex's comment, "You mean my ass. And you'd be surprised; stimpaks, does a body wonders for a quick focus," she managed to spurt out. Catching her breath she looked over at Garrus, the ex-CSEC officer had tagged along, only sipping at his drink. Towards the end he began to feel more relaxed as Shepard rambled about someone spending so much time studying the Keepers must have a bug fetish. Something about him intrigued her and she made a mental note to talk to him later after rounds.

"Well," Shepard sighed said turning towards her comrades, "let's get this mission going."

Just as they were about to board she heard an, "Uh, Commander?"

She turned to look at Garrus who was pointing a little farther up at some crates, next to those crates, was a Keeper. Flurries of swear words escaped her mouth as she made her way over to scan the damn thing. Marching back over she gave a satisfied "humph" walking past them as she made her way to the decontamination chamber, but not before Garrus could hear her murmur, "twenty one is still a stupid number." Giving a small smirk, he followed.


End file.
